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They are the friends you can discuss your relationship with, The Race Stuff And The Sex Stuff And the Oddly Distant yet Uncomfortably Prying Family Stuff That you don’t know how to discuss with your partner, because you’re“Not even really sure if we’re ‘there’ yet. ”You’ll think of your black friends as part sounding board, part savior.You’ll pretend not to notice when they treat your relationship like a phase You’ll pretend not to hear when they make excuses for you crossing the color line“Well, she went to Hawkins” or “You know her brother even married one”As if jungle fever Were an actual fever, As if it were a disease for one to have a genetic predisposition to.You will tell her repeatedly His name is David She will give you the most dismissive glare you have ever received and go back to her conversation.At family gatherings your male cousins will make jokes about master/slave roleplay.was always your answer It doesn’t matter what Angela taught you(and why do you think she looks that way?)Or that you would rather spend two hours Friday night detangling Than smear creamy poison on your scalp.You will pretend not to hurt when you realize that Tolerance is not the same as Support.
You are not thinking of your children, your black girls Whose father will know nothing about what they are going through Or Worse Your black boys Whose father cannot raise them to be strong black men.”The first time he doesn’t text you back you will feel like his chocolate freak.The first time you apologize you will feel like you have disappointed the Ancestors(even if you were wrongsometimes especially then), If not yours, then someone’s.Your shoulders will be tight, The backs of your eyes will burn, You will be uncomfortable without knowing why.My married friends tell me This goes away, eventually.